play the game of life you want to play...

Do You Have To Be So Damn Nice All the Time?

There is so much nice-ness, so much sugary sweet, so much…not being-you-ness around online. And oh-so-much fear.

All this talk about authenticity online and here we are drowning in nice-ness…and did I mention fear?

It’s easy to be drawn into it – to be drawn into this need to be liked by the people who follow you.

If the “namastes”, the hugs and the kisses are really not like the usual you and you’re using them because if you don’t, people will think you’re not that nice {Gasp}

They’ll think you’re not that loving {Shock}…

They’ll think that you don’t care {Horror}…

And they’ll think you’re not enlightened/aware/conscious/awake/[insert whatever it is you want to be seen as but fear you’re not].

How does it feel to behave so unlike the real you most of the time you’re online?

Previously I’ve been drawn into feeling the need to show how nice I am, to be the sugary, nice-as-pie version of me. Not the spiky, sharp, fast-speaking, hard-headed (but soft-hearted) Type A me that I know, love and am proud to be.

Over the years I’ve mellowed but I still struggle to put ‘x’ at the end of a business email to someone I’ve only just been in touch with! I do want people to like me, just as much as you want people to like you. But I want them to like me. The real, whole, not-always-nice me.

Because it’s exhausting being that nice all the time, isn’t it? It’s just. Not. Me. And I know it’s probably not you, either.

I know you have spiky edges, you have dark moods, you have a bit of bite to you. And I know that you’re hiding this side to you – perhaps unconsciously – because the people you’re hanging with online are all so damn nice too.

And if you weren’t so nice too, you might not be accepted. You might not fit in…

You might not be thought of or spoken of in the same sentence as [insert names of the Queens of Nice]. You might not be invited to blog on [insert names of Nice Blogs]. You might not have a thriving business.

I’m all for some nice but I’d much rather get to know you, get to see you, darkness and all.

I’d much rather you didn’t retreat online when the risk of those spiky edges showing up is too great that you disengage. Those are the edges along which I’d much rather connect…

Because the depth you have, the dark you reveal, the sharp, spiky edges you display – that is where true connections are forged.

Those deeper, darker places are often where we relate on a deeper level, knowing yet still accepting each other not in spite of but because of these aspects of ourselves.

That’s what authenticity means to me. What does it mean to you?